Search The Savannah

The idea of having a circle of special people, of elephants, protecting me and surrounding me with love and encouragement when I am beaten down is surprisingly profound.  I have had love and support from family and friends all through my life, to be sure, but the image of a circle of support, a circle of love that can give me respite while I face hardship brings tears to my eyes.

Why such a strong response, I ask myself.  Why would the image of a circle of elephants guarding over a birthing mother touch me so deeply?  

I grew up in the 70’s. Love was transactional and most of us raised ourselves.  Our parents were at cocktail parties busy keeping up with the Joneses.  Our dads were having affairs, or had sold their souls to their work, while our moms had to grin and bear their loneliness and lack of fulfillment through dinner. I paint a picture of the time in generalities, yes, yet it is a picture I personally experienced.

The idea of community was centered around Country Club friends, or church friends, or possibly work buddies for our dads, but in each case, at the sight of trouble these ‘friends’ would scurry their way back to a dark corner and pretend to not even know you.  It wasn’t really personal.  It was just survival.

There was no circle of help offered.  Any show of weakness was frowned upon.  We were meant to follow these guidelines for success: 

Be Seen and Not Heard, Buck Up, You’re On Your Own, Stop Belly-Aching (whining), Put On Your Big Girl Panties, Every Man For Himself, and Grin and Bear It.

I was brought up to be extraordinary, but I had to be so with neither guidance nor safety net.  It was expected that I just figure ‘it’ out on my own, and in return, I would give my parents an opportunity to brag to their friends. A transaction that left me feeling lacking in their eyes, somehow.  I would just have to try harder, be more incredible, and then, just maybe, I would have my needs for love and belonging met.  If I could just  (Fill In The Blank) , they would finally see me, love me, and show care.

When that didn’t happen, I unwittingly began to create my own elephant circle.  I sought out a few deep friendships rather than a crowd of acquaintances.  I was a lone elephant, searching the savannah for a herd that would welcome me into their circle.

And over time, I found my elephants.  I found you all and I am grateful.

Thank You For Being My Elephant.